Living in a State of Mania

Writing in the State of Mania

Bipolar Disorder

Fact or Fiction ???

The Starry Night

In 1987 I was diagnosed Bipolar Disorder by a Family Practice Doctor, I was 30 years old at the time. the connotations was, at this time period the scariest thing that I imagine. My thoughts were racing, and the worst thought was that of my life expectancy with this disease. Honestly in the 1980’s most Bipolars would put a gun to their head sooner or later.

A bipolar just didn’t die because of the disease they just one day for no apparent reason committed suicide, statistically most men did a good job on the first try, but women had to try a few times.

So for sure I had something to look forward to, but that was the stigma at during the 1980’s. During that first year after the diagnosis I will not lie to you, it (suicide) crossed my mind. All of the medication changes, and what they did to my body, fast weight loss, severe tremors, loss of sleep and the ever favorite flu like symptoms, and actions.

My small world now had become a big nightmare, for me, and everyone around me, I am like a bull in a china closet, no one was left untouched.

Lithium-citrate-skeletal

So how do you fuel a human bull? After the initial diagnosis the doctor put me on a pill cocktail of Lithium, a mood stabiliser and Prozac a antidepressant. Oh I forgot, Halcion to help me sleep. If you have time you need to read the links, do it! Great fun!

Fire Tetrahedron

Life wasn’t going to get any simpler with the 3 additions of pills for fuel, and I was breathing oxygen so now all that was needed was heat, but what would the heat be?

But when I get heated up then BOOM! If you were the unlucky one who got caught in front of the bull (me) you were going to get a mouthful of crazy. Even I wondered while walking away from the verbal destruction, what just happened? My family, my unfortunate family would get considerable more horns of the bull.

So what I needed was a way to stop the heat ups,  but — I don’t know what is causing them. This has been a major failure in my life, it is taking so many years finding the source of the heat — if I ever will.